If Only
by Firera
Summary: COMPLETE: Fem!Exile. preKOTOR II. The Force never showed her what awaited her. Growing up as a naive young woman, she would never have imagined that things would change for the worst, and that she would have to abandon those she loved most.Exile/Kavar
1. Chapter 1

Wrote this ages ago and had posted it on the LJ boards. Never bothered to put it up here until now. Thanks to Lady Xianghua for the beta!

For all Kavar lovers, ENJOY!

ps: All stories are on hold. I am NOT going to stop them. Just been really really busy with college and all that stuff. Hopefully will be able to post some updates again soon.

* * *

"I _had _advised you to at least remove your outer robe before starting the practice, hadn't I?"

The young girl grunted back at the mockery as she tried to free the stick from her robes. Giving the Jedi Master a scowl, she straightened the robes huffily and resumed her battle stance.

Kavar chuckled and shook his head lightly at his Padawan. "Stubborn as ever."

"Laugh all you want, _Master_." Kas'shen pursed her lips briefly. "You can't expect me to remove my robes every time I fight! I've got to learn to be used to it." She pushed away a platinum-blonde lock of hair from her face.

Her master chuckled again and leaned on his stick while he watched his Padawan with an extremely amused expression on his face. "To learn how to be used to a certain thing, Padawan, you have to do it slowly." He paused for a moment to keep his face straight, and continued. "And you have to learn from the start. It's just like being a beginner in Pazaak and then advancing into becoming a master. You cannot expect to perfect a skill without learning the basics.

And you are having a lot of problem with your robes." Kavar said with a small laugh. "You've never bothered much about that before."

Kas'shen rolled her eyes at him and pulled at her sleeves. "Okay, I'll admit. Under normal circumstances, yes, I'd remove this blasted robe. But practising _here_," Her eyes swept over the Dantooine fields; a frown grew on her face. "I…I don't think it's such a good idea."

The Master's eyebrow rose at that and he looked at his bare chest first before scanning the area. He then turned his attention back to the blushing Kas'shen. "What's wrong with practising with minimal albeit decent amount of clothing on the fields on Dantooine?"

"You're thick when you want to be, don't you?" She said as she chewed on her lower lip. She reached a hand to her neck to scratch the rashes caused by the heat and sweat, Kas'shen groaned and peeled off the outer robe before rolling her shirt's sleeves up to her elbows. Kavar gave her a "See" look and she narrowed her eyes at him.

"Don't tell me you can't sense them." Her voice was set in a perfect irritated tone.

"Sense who?"

Kas'shen's eyes widened disbelievingly at him and she shook her head. Lifting her hand, she pointed towards the enclave entrance.

Kavar caught a glimpse of several young female Jedi watching them before the heads vanished behind the wall...

"Your _fan club_, Kavar." Kas'shen said deadpanned.

The young Jedi Master chuckled and moved towards her. Kash couldn't help but chuckle along with him. Sure, Kavar—the Master Kavar—was the idol of many adolescent and adult women Jedi. And as if the Force was trying to pull her leg, she was assigned to him as Padawan.

This resulted with her being hounded by the "fan-girls" and becoming the enemies of those who were extreme in their holy quest of gaining the Master's attention. It was getting frustrating getting asked almost everyday of Kavar and his daily routine. Like she'd know what he'd eaten that day and did in the evenings. Hell, one even asked how many times the man shaved in a week!

"It's not funny, Kavar." Kas'shen gathered her hair and tied it into a messy bun. "I'm your Padawan, not your PA."

"And why do you let these kinds of things get to you?" Kavar knelt on a knee to gather his robes and lightsabre.

Kas'shen sighed and stabbed the stick into the ground. "As if I have a choice. Want to bet that once I get in there, and once you move away from me, I'm gonna be surrounded by those damn Kath Hounds! They ask me questions I can't answer! Praise the Force that I've been able to keep quiet about this for the past five years!"

"Watch your language, Kash." Kavar handed her things. "I cannot help it if their masters cannot make them control their interests."

"Oh, yeah. It's not their interest that needs to be controlled, Kavar, it's their lusts!"

The man stopped abruptly at his tracks and his wide green eyes were focused on her face. Kas'shen cursed in her mind as she felt a blush crept up her neck. It had been happening recently. Whenever her Master would look at her intensely or even the slightest contact of their skin, Kas'shen would start blushing. It never happened before.

And she didn't know why it was happening now.

"Repeat that again." It was an obvious order from him, and remembering what the girls had been saying the other night her face grew redder.

"Uh, nothing. Must be the heat. It's hot, isn't it?" Kas'shen quickly backtracked and fanned herself with her hand while trying to turn her gaze from Kavar.

"Now, Padawan." It was that kind of tone that made her become afraid of him. It was that kind gaze that made her stomach churn discomfortingly. It was that kind of situation that made her want to go back to Coruscant and throw herself into the deepest depths of the city.

Her last master never made her feel that way. Rais-Kell never had such an effect on her. The fifteen-year-old had never felt so awkward and yet so comfortable with someone eighteen years older than her, ever.

_Why is this happening to me?_

Her attempts at backtracking were futile. But that didn't stop her from trying again. She wiped away the sweat on her forehead with her outer robe and began to stutter. "Eh, well. What…what was I saying again? Heh."

Kavar reached out to her and placed his hand on her shoulder to stop her pace. The emerald green eyes were fixed on her again and she felt as if her face was going to burst at any moment. "You were saying about lust, Kash. Tell me, this is serious. Minor infatuation is fine, but lust?"

"Eh heh." _Shit. I'm so dead. How the hell do I tell a man that some other girls are speculating on how hard his abs are? _Kas'shen gave him another awkward smile before spilling out everything the girls had made her swore never to tell. _I'm so dead, I'm so dead, I'm so dead…_ "Theyweretalkingaboutyourmarvellousphysiqueandwhatthey'ddoiftheyeverhadthechancetogoverynearyou."

"In Galactic Basic, Kash."

"I _was_ talking in Basic." She stopped immediately when she saw the stern look. "Aw, look. It's hard to tell you these things without, you-know…"

Kavar sighed and patted her shoulder. "Kash, for these girls's sake," his lips twisted upward. "Tell me."

Kas'shen sucked in a deep breath and held it for a while. _Yup, I'm officially dead, and Revan's going to have to scrape me off the floor. _"They were talking about your-" Kas'shen stopped there and gestured at Kavar's bare chest before continuing. "And what they'd do if they ever had the chance to go very near you.

There, I've signed my death warrant, Kavar. Please remember to visit my grave."

What surprised her wasn't the sterner look she had expected to get but the sight of him bent over and laughing. And the feel of his warm hand on her shoulder. And how happy she suddenly felt having this man so close to her on the fields, with the sun setting and the cool wind blowing.

"That Revan has too much influence on you, Kash. Your way of speech is beginning to sound like hers." He shook his head and started his way back to the enclave. "I guess I'll have to talk to the masters again."

"Hey, at least it's not bad influence. And one thing, I don't sound like her."

"Right." Came the mocking reply.

Kas'shen glared at him. "I really don't!"

"You never were one to understand when someone is pulling your leg, were you?" Kavar turned to smirk at her.

The girl pursed her lips at him. "I didn't expect a joke from my master, Kavar."

"Is your master not a friend?"

Kas'shen gave him a small smile and walked by his side. "Yes, he is." _I don't know, Kavar. I don't know when I feel so weird being near you…It never was like this before…it never was this perfect…_


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks again to Lady Xianghua for the beta.

Chapter 2

Kas'shen stepped into the neatly kept and spacious room, expecting to find him there. Odd, it seemed to her, that she couldn't find him anywhere. If she had counted correctly, it was the sixth time she had tried to look for him in his room for the past two days. Frustration was beginning to chew on her nerves and she gripped her lightsabre tighter.

"Kavar?"

She bit on her lip when she got no response. Kas'shen walked further into the room and stood beside the couch in the small living room. With a sigh, she closed her eyes for a moment and turned to leave.

But she stopped immediately when she saw him.

Kavar walked into the room while reading a datapad and his face was contorted with concentration--if she hadn't known him for such a long time—and a slight hint of frustration.

"So, the master has finally decided to come out of his hiding. Splendid." Kas'shen purposely added more sarcasm to her tone to imply her irritation. Her master stopped abruptly, and despite his attempt to not show the difference on his expression, Kas'shen saw his green globes grow darker.

"Kash." The tone in which he spoke her name was different too. He sounded like he was choking slightly on the name, and Kas'shen frowned at him. The Master turned away his head, and refused to look at her in the eyes. "What are you doing here?"

Kas'shen moved forward to the desk and placed a datapad on it. "You told me to hand in the report regarding the incident on level-64, sector 257, remember?" She spun around and crossed her arms on her chest. "I've been looking for you for the past two days. Coruscant's not a small place, you know. Where have you been?"

Her master took the datapad from the table and started reading it. All the time when he was in the room, he never looked at her face. "Thank you, Kas'shen." The young woman was perplexed. Kavar had never called her by the full name unless they were in front of other masters, but she said nothing. "I've been rather busy lately. The Council has many things to do, and I don't have time to see anyone else." When he finally looked up at her, she saw that the colour of his eyes never changed back to the warm, light green she was always used to. Instead, his eyes were cold, and hard.

"The next time you have something to give me, and can't find me, you can just leave it on my desk, Kas'shen."

She tried not to appear hurt at his sudden distance from her, and choked back her questions. "Yes, Master."

When he said nothing else, Kas'shen lowered her head and walked towards the door. "I'll be leaving you to your work then." She stood there, hoping for answer, but he never gazed up from the datapad, and simply gave her a nod.

Something had changed in him. She could feel it, but she didn't understand why, and it hurt her.

* * *

"Quick!" Revan ran into her room and stuffed something into the secret compartment on the floor—which Kas'shen thought only she knew about. The black-haired woman clambered onto her bed and was absolutely out of breath, though she tried very hard not to appear like it.

Just as Kas'shen was about to ask what was happening, Nisotsa and Barielle, two younger Knights ran into her room.

"Revan! Where is it?" Nisotsa was able to breathe out.

Revan widened her silver-grey eyes innocently and asked sweetly. "What are you talking about?"

Kas'shen looked from one girl to the other, and her brows were furrowed in puzzlement. The black-haired Knight on her bed was breathing calmly, unlike when she had just burst into the room. The innocent look she gave the two girls was very genuine, and Kas'shen was able to stop herself from laughing just in time.

Barielle pursed her lips at Revan, and placed her hands on her hips. "Master Kavar's datachip. Where is it?"

Revan brushed away a few strands of hair and jutted out her lower lip. "What datachip? I don't have Master Kavar's datachip on me."

Kas'shen admired her friend's ability to lie so smoothly.

"Revan…" Nisotsa started warningly.

"Do I even want to be here? Sleep-over party?" Malak walked into Kas'shen's room with a raised eyebrow.

Nisotsa scowled at him. "Can you get that woman to give us what we want?"

"What datachip?" Revan climbed off the bed and pulled Malak over to cover her. "I told you. I don't have it!"

Malak took a glance at the girl behind him and with silent communication between the two, he understood what she wanted. "If Revan says she doesn't have whatever you want, then she doesn't." He smiled at them. "Shouldn't the two of you be in Master Vrook's class? You know what happens when you're late."

The two girl's eyes widened at that and they ran out of the room with horrified expressions. Revan laughed and taunted the two girls, telling them that they were in for big trouble.

The young man towered over Revan and his lips were pursed in a very, very thin line. Malak was not amused by her antics, and his eyes pointed it out very clearly. Suddenly, he swatted her at the back of her head.

"What did you do now?"

Revan yowled in indignation and pouted in mock-hurt at his question. "Why is it always my fault?" She slapped him playfully on his chest. "They were trying to acquire something that was not theirs!"

"Like what?"

"Kavar's datachip." Kas'shen finally spoke and reached into the hidden compartment. "And I don't want to know how you found out about this compartment." She gazed sternly at her friend, who was trying to avoid Malak's glare and failing miserably to look innocent, for once.

The older woman placed her hands on her hips and mock-pouted even more. "What? No thanking me? Sheesh." Then she laughed. "Alright. Remember to give it back to him. I found it on the library floor and I think he dropped it. You should've seen how close it was that that two psychopaths nearly got their piggy hands on it."

Then she grinned mischievously. "For all you know, it might be a recording of Kavar bathing!" Her grin grew wider. "Full view!"

Malak groaned in annoyance and pulled her out of the room by the collar. "Bye, Kassie. See you at dinner." He tugged at the collar when Revan yelled in protest. "We have some serious talking to do here."

Kas'shen smiled at the two friends and shook her head. Revan waved goodbye while trying to free herself from Malak and the door closed with a hiss.

The young woman stared at the datachip blankly, while the pain from before assailed her again. It pained her to see him so cold towards her, and she couldn't understand what she had done. _Maybe I said something wrong, or insulted him in some way. _

She traced the edges of the chip with her thumb, and looked closely at the labelling. "One of his recordings…he always records his thoughts before his assignments."

Out of disinterest, she slid the chip into her drawer and stared at the desk for some moment before blinking and shaking her head again.

Kas'shen left her room, and headed towards the training room.

* * *

Revan groaned as she leaned her forehead on her hand. Kas'shen watched her roll her eyes at the tall man sitting beside her at the dining table and nagging away. The black-haired woman huffed and stuck out three fingers to indicate how many hours Malak had been lecturing her about the proper ways of a lady and all that jazz.

Kas'shen smiled softly, and turned her attention to the other tables, where most of the Jedi Masters and senior Knights sat. She scanned the tables for a sign of a certain brown-haired Master, but didn't find him.

_Odd, he doesn't miss his meals…_

The platinum-blonde woman stood up and walked over to one of the tables, and politely asked Master Atris, who usually sat next to Kavar during meals.

"Master Atris? Have you seen Master Kavar?"

The white-haired Master looked up at her and smiled softly. "No, Kas'shen. I haven't seen him all day. He's left for Dantooine, did you not know?"

Kas'shen's expression registered surprise at that. "No…no, Master Atris. I think he was in a hurry and forgot to tell me." _He left without telling me... Why?_

The pain stung her again and she thanked the master before leaving for her room. Revan and Malak were too engrossed in their arguments to notice their dejected and troubled friend leave.

"I shouldn't be so emotional about his treatment towards me." She whispered to herself in her dark room. "I'm a Jedi. I shouldn't feel bad."

Kas'shen chewed on her lower lip and frowned. "But why the sudden change? He'd never leave without telling me…"

Then her desk caught her attention.

She scooted on her bed towards the piece of furniture and pulled out the drawer that she had left the chip in. The young woman stared at the chip for a very long time before taking it out and finally plugging it into her console.

_Just like I said what it was… just some reports._

However, boredom didn't stop her from watching the report. She took in every movement, every gesture, every facial expression, and how his lips moved when he spoke.

Kas'shen still couldn't understand the feelings she felt towards him.

But she forced herself to be used to it.

She had to.

She was a Jedi.

And a Jedi Knight at that.

The report stopped and Kas'shen sighed before she reached out to eject the chip.

But then another imaged flickered onto the screen. And Kas'shen's eyes widened in shock.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: I hate college, in many ways. It takes up so much of my time I totally forgot all about my writing. Grr. And I'm getting tired of apologising because my load of assignments are being a bunch of asses. So, here's a chap to redeem myself! TQ to all who reviewed btw. :)

_Shock attacked her like a pack of Kath Hounds coming in for a kill. Her hands suddenly felt cold and clammy. And the air in her room became too cool to her liking_.

She picked on a loose thread from the sleeve of her robe absentmindedly as she paced from one end of the room to the other. Her nervousness made her feel no better, and with frustration mingled together with her nervousness, Kas'shen felt like an over-stuffed Ewok doll ready to burst.

_His image appeared in front of her, the lines on his face were obvious, even in a recording. His hair was messy, unlike the tidy way he used to keep it_.

"Everything's a lie…" Kas'shen mumbled incoherently to herself as she settled at the foot of the sofa and hugged her knees. "I've been lying to myself…" Her azure eyes closed and she took in a shaky deep breath to calm herself.

"No. _He_ lied to himself." This time, she spoke with a firmer tone, and lowered her head to rest on her knees. "I always knew, but just didn't understand it…I never ran away, like he did…"

_He looked tired, and restless, as if the world had suddenly collapsed and he was the only one __there to pick it back up. He always acted as if it were like that, but it never showed that much until she saw that recording_.

Kas'shen grabbed her head and tugged at her hair as hard as she could. The band that tied her hair back fell off, but she paid no heed to it. _Scream_. She shook her head. _No. Not here. Not now. Not ever_. The woman gripped harder, and hardly winced when she felt several strands of hair being pulled out.

"_This is not happening to me. I am a Jedi Master, and it is not something that will happen to me. It is not possible." His voice was low. Kas'shen watched unmoving like she was paralysed. She found it hard to blink, let alone to breathe. This is wrong. These are __his private matters… I can't go on watching. But she didn't move. She didn't turn it off._

Soft footsteps sounded unheard by her. Kas'shen closed her eyes tightly to forget the recording she watched two weeks ago.

"_But…perhaps this is the only explanation I have." He shook his head. "No, it's not possible. I can't be in love with my own apprentice. She's…she's…" She had never seen him falter when he talked. Then his voice became firm. "No, I am a Jedi. I do not have feelings other than respect for my apprentice."_

Because of that recording, she spent two frustratingly unsettling weeks trying to tell herself that it didn't matter that he loved her too. It was forbidden anyway. Revan became worried and kept hounding her, trying to pry the matter open from her.

Kas'shen remained silent on the matter and even Malak joined in the questioning.

"Kas'shen?" A warm hand held her shoulder firmly, and she stiffened at the voice. Kavar tapped her shoulder when she didn't lift her head up nor answered.

"Kavar…" Kas'shen managed to whisper.

He turned away from her abruptly and walked towards his desk. Kas'shen looked at her chronometer and saw that she had been in his quarters for four hours.

"You didn't tell me you were leaving for Dantooine two weeks ago." She knew she had to start the conversation. There was so much she wanted to ask; yet a bigger part of herself stopped her. The internal struggle was tiring, and she didn't want to fight.

Kavar said nothing, but carried on with his unpacking. A tiny flicker of anger licked at Kas'shen and the young woman almost lashed out at him for his apathy towards her. She recited the Jedi Code over and over again in her head, until she was able to calm down.

"Why?"

When he suddenly spoke, he caught her by surprise. His tone was low, and emotionless. Kavar only turned his head slightly to look at her from the corner of his eyes. He seemed different, quieter, and more distant from her than he was two weeks ago. The air between them was like a wall--thick and solid--separating the two of them.

"Why what?" Her voice was low like his, only colder. Kas'shen clenched her hands beside her, and she moved to stand next to him.

Kavar turned away immediately from her. The anger flared again in her, as she remembered the contents of the chip she was holding in her clenched fist.

"Why are you here?"

"Why am I here?" She surprised him when she chuckled lowly. "Are you that eager to be rid of me, Kavar?" The bitterness in her voice made him look at her straight in the eyes for the first time in weeks. The smile that came after never left her face. She slowly lifted the clenched fist that held the chip and continued.

"I thought I was the only one." She stopped when she saw his eyes darkened a little. "But no." The small bitter smile vanished from her face when she stared into the cold, green eyes of his. "Being a Jedi makes things so difficult, doesn't it?"

Kavar shifted uneasily under her intense gaze and he asked, "What are you trying to tell me, Kash?"

"Kash." She whispered her name under her breath. "I thought you'd never call me by that again." Kas'shen forced a smile and made herself sound more cheerful_. I'm a Jedi. To deny this will be the best for all of us… it has to be. _"Nothing." She held out the chip to him and placed on the desk. "Just wanted to see you after your trip and to return your stuff."

She spun around and walked hastily out of the door. Once outside, she ran to her room, and granted herself speed to reach her destination quicker.

Her bed never seemed so inviting to her before as she literally dove onto it and buried her head under her pillows to stop the tears from falling. She was hurt badly and furthermore angry. Her anger was directed to herself, though a small portion was towards him.

She was angry at him for running away from her, while she was the one who tried to make everything go back to normal.

"_Love, to some is heaven and yet to some, hell."_

The young woman remembered what Barielle had quoted from one of her holonovels. Back then, all she did was scoff at that and pushed away the agreement she had in her mind.

_Love is hell._

She didn't hear the door to her room open, and certainly didn't hear someone walking into her room. Only when she felt someone sitting on her bed did she came out of her 'hiding' to look at the person.

Kavar sat there with his back towards her. In his right hand held the chip she had given back to him earlier.

Kas'shen felt as if her lungs had suddenly malfunctioned, and she couldn't breathe. She watched him for some time, and he said nothing. He only sat there looking at the dull, ordinary chip as if it was something that was very interesting.

"Did you watch this?"

His quiet voice brought Kas'shen back to reality. The cool night wind that blew from her window did nothing to cool her heated face down.

She realised, that it was so wrong of her to have watched the contents and she silently wondered what would have happened if she hadn't watched it in the first place.

Kavar turned to look at her. The question hung in the air like a heavy cloak ready to suffocate her. Kas'shen propped herself up on an elbow, and slowly nodded her head. She watched her master's face turn a slightly paler colour.

"I should have thrown this away in the first place."

"No." Her disagreement came as a surprise to the two of them. She looked up and smiled woefully at him. "Throwing it away won't solve anything."

Kavar sighed deeply and shifted to look at her properly. Kas'shen took in the closeness between the two of them on her narrow bed, with him sitting on the said bed. She felt her face heat up at the realisation, and noticed that Kavar had been thinking of the same too, for his face had become a light shade of red.

"I'm sorry."

The young Jedi Knight propped herself higher and the bed shook with her sudden movement. Kavar stood up quickly and a part of her berated him for it.

"There's nothing to be sorry about, Kavar." She focused her attention to the small chronometer on the side table and said, "I'm not."

"What?"

"I'm not sorry about my feelings for you."

The silence hung once again in the air as the master and apprentice both stared at each other. Her sudden willingness to finally express her feelings shocked her, and yet she felt at peace. She felt as if a burden had finally been taken off her shoulders, and she could breathe easily next to him for once in six years.

Kavar broke the silence by sighing again, and he averted his gaze on her to the scenery out of the window. He stared outside for some time, watching the beautiful night sky of Coruscant.

"We are Jedi, Kash." He paused. "It won't be possible."

"I know…" She sat up on her bed with her legs crossed. Then she looked at him defiantly. "But at least I'm not trying to avoid you to solve this matter."

"I-" He began to speak, but got cut of by her.

"Do you know how much it hurts to see you turn away from me?"

"I know what I'm doing."

"Do you?" She chuckled mockingly at him. "Six years, Kavar. But have you ever seen me turn away from you?"

Her master whispered after her. "Six years…"

"Yes, six years." The smile went away and he could see her eyes narrow in pain. "Six years and I try to confront my feelings by staying next to you and pretending nothing was happening, and yet when you found out about yours, you ran away." Kas'shen shook her head lightly at him and the small smile returned. "I don't know if I should be happy or angry."

Kavar glanced away from her. Kas'shen felt as if her senses were suddenly sharpened, she could almost hear his breathing, the vehicles down below the temple moving about, the ticking noises the chronometer made. She also thought she saw the frown on his face in the dim room.

"You're too young to understand these kinds of things, Kash."

Kas'shen almost snorted at that. Instead, she laughed out loud and startled him. "Too young?" She said between chuckles. "I'm twenty, Kavar. I'm not a child any longer." She chuckled again. "I understand this very well, thank you. But the one I think who doesn't understand this situation is you."

He was stunned.

"It'll never happen between us, Kash." He said when he finally found his voice.

Kas'shen didn't answer him. She reached into her side-table drawer and pulled out a mini-holoprojector. With a flick of a button, an image of an old Zabrak appeared. Kavar smiled slightly at the image, and lowered his head slightly.

"Master Rais-Kell always told me to understand the Jedi Code." She ran her tongue over her teeth and bit her lower lip lightly. "Said it would make us 'see' things in another way." A low chuckle came from her again. "He said that as Jedi, we shouldn't be afraid of everything, like what the Council is doing. To confront our fears is the best way of staying true to our beliefs."

She leaned on the headboard and Kavar watched as her face turned grim.

"I confronted my feelings by staying true to you, as an apprentice and as a friend. I didn't run away, leaving you alone to be all confused and sad." Anger began to tinge her voice. "I didn't avoid you. I didn't try to treat you as if you weren't there."

His next movement was so sudden and unexpected that she stopped her ranting immediately. Kavar held her close to him in a tight embrace, and she heard him murmur into her loose hair.

"I'm sorry, Kash." He hugged her closer to him. "I'm so sorry. "

Kas'shen wrapped her arms around him and kissed his neck.

If anyone had walked into the room right at that very moment, to see a master embracing his apprentice in a not-so-fatherly way and the apprentice kissing him, it would be certain that a large scandal would rear its ugly head. But to their luck, Kavar had locked the door after entering.

Kavar pushed her slightly away to look into her eyes. "I don't know what I'm doing."

"Neither do I." She breathed out. A sudden urge hit her and she forced herself to hold back. "I love you."

Her master said nothing, but continued to stare into her eyes. She saw the confusion slip away, and the battle behind it. Kas'shen wondered out loud to him.

"If we weren't Jedi-"

The Knight was interrupted when he leaned forward and brushed his lips softly on hers. Kas'shen felt the warmth of his skin, his breath and her heart skipped a beat at that. It felt like a dream of hers had come true.

She quickly captured him with a fierce kiss when he pulled away. All Jedi Code faded away as his presence and the feel of him dominated her mind. Vaguely, she heard him groan as he returned her kiss. _Damn it all._ She didn't care anymore, and she knew he didn't too.

All the resolve they had fell apart. Any oath they took to prevent this from happening was swept away by the waves of emotion they had for each other.

She savoured the feeling of his hand—which had found a way under her clothes—on her back and the smell of him up close.

They had given up the charade, the denial.

All that mattered to them was each other at that moment.

Only each other.

Kas'shen didn't protest when he pushed her onto the bed, with him following her. She only half-heartedly cursed the bed for being so narrow.


	4. Chapter 4

Sorry for the really late update. Had some time off college work and found my files so I thought I'd post this up anyways. :D

* * *

"Kas'shen?"

The young Jedi Knight turned swiftly around to look at the person who called her and saw Master Atris walking down the corridor leading to the courtyard.

Kas'shen cocked an eyebrow in curiosity when the older woman beckoned her to the courtyard, which she followed. The two women walked side by side to a waterfall in silence, and the Knight fidgeted slightly when she felt the Master seemed to be in conflict deep within herself through the bond she shared with her.

She knew, that Atris couldn't tell that she was reading her emotions through the bond. Kas'shen had long trained herself to control the ability she had to buffer out the throngs of emotions and thoughts from those she were close to, or have made friends with.

Little waves of irritation, exasperation and disbelieve hit her, and all Kas'shen could do was lower her head and try to shut the bond out before it overwhelmed her.

Atris sat on a bench by the waterfall, and yet said nothing. The frown on her forehead grew deeper as her icy-blue eyes bore into the younger woman's. Kas'shen sat beside her and tilted her head at the master.

"Was there something you wanted to talk to me about?"

The master lifted an elegant white brow at her and pursed her lips slightly.

"I wish to ask you something, and I hope that you'd be truthful about this."

Kas'shen's heart jolted a little at that as she wondered if they had found out that she was the one who actually poured an entire bucket of grease on Master Vrook. It was an accident, thanks to Revan, who tricked her into carrying it and Force tripped her. She had spent the entire day sweating in anxiety and shooting death glares at the snickering woman.

Even Kavar didn't know about the incident.

She nodded in agreement and Atris shifted uncomfortably before continuing with her question.

"It has come to my attention that you have been…rather different for the past few months." She paused. "Are you alright?"

"How am I different, Master Atris?" Kas'shen smiled softly.

Atris shifted again to directly face her. Kas'shen reopened the bond and felt the waves of emotions crashing into her again. In an instance, she closed it.

"You are one of our best Jedi, Kas'shen. You understand the Jedi Code, do you?" She paused to see her nod. "What is the first line in the Code?"

Kas'shen suddenly understood what she meant. She struggled with all her effort not to show the panic on her face and clenched her hands together. With a small smile, she recited the first line. "There is no emotion, there is peace."

Atris nodded. "Emotion distracts a Jedi, and can cause serious harm to us. You understand that?"

The young woman was forced to nod her head.

"What is the third line?"

Kas'shen sucked in some air before reciting that. "There is no passion, there is serenity."

Atris nodded again. "I trust you understand well what I mean, Kas'shen. These things are not to be fooled around with." Her voice was firm when she said that, and at the same moment, Malak happened to walk towards them.

The Jedi Master shot him a disapproving glance and went into the Temple. Malak shot her a confused look and turned to Kas'shen, "What did I do?"

* * *

She tried her hardest to keep silent as she shifted into a more comfortable position. Kas'shen never felt so frustrated before and she really wanted to kick something to release whatever anger she had inside.

Even the bare chest she was using as a pillow didn't work to soothe her and could be a great punching bag.

Kas'shen tilted her head to look at his serene expression as he slept and couldn't help but smile a little. For the past year, they managed to stay together without the knowledge of others. In front of others, they were just an ordinary pair of master and apprentice; but behind closed doors, it was a different story.

Despite his discomfort over breaking the rules of the Jedi, Kavar had repeatedly made it clear to her that he didn't regret the relationship they had. Kas'shen knew he was speaking the truth, and yet whenever they were together in front of others, she couldn't help but feel guilty.

She knew he was guilt-ridden for disobeying the Code and she also knew that he thought she could have someone better than him. Kas'shen never allowed him to speak of that matter. Whenever he tried, she always shushed him by planting a firm kiss on his mouth.

The Temple was considered a 'dangerous' place for them and the only place the two lovers could run away from all of the guilt and anxiety over being found out was in the apartment Kavar had rented somewhere far away from the Temple.

That place was their safe haven.

Kavar moved a little and opened an eye to look at her. Upon seeing her head rested on his chest, he smiled with satisfaction.

"Comfortable?"

"Very."

"Better than your pillows?" He smirked at her. Kas'shen chortled snuggled up closer to him.

She did a twirling motion on his abdomen with her index finger and he relished in the ticklish sensation. The young Jedi looked up at him and replied, "Yes."

"More comfortable than hiding the truth about the incident with Vrook?"

Kas'shen's smile died away immediately. Kavar studied the surprised expression she held with much interest and tried his hardest not to laugh.

"How…how did you know?"

The master smirked again and then chuckled. He tapped his right temple and then hers. Kas'shen growled lowly when he told her he had read her mind.

"You were projecting the scene to me for three days. I was wondering when you'd tell me about it."

The thought of Vrook reminded her of the Council, and the Council reminded her of Atris and her words. Her indignant expression faltered and the frown crept into its place.

The master sat up at her sudden change of expression and wrapped his arms around her before asking, "Something wrong?"

Kas'shen nodded a little and hugged him tightly; Atris's words rang in her head. _"Emotion distracts a Jedi, and can cause serious harm to us. You understand that?"_

"She knows."

Kavar's frown deepened again as he asked, "Who knows what?'

"Atris. I think she knows about us."

She lifted her head to see his expression, but Kavar only raised an eyebrow at her and bowed his head to rest his forehead against hers.

"I don't think so."

Kas'shen was surprise by the confidence in his voice. She sat up and pulled the duvet to cover herself. "How would you know?"

"She hasn't spoken to me yet."

She punched him lightly on the shoulder and Kavar yelped in mock-pain. "Still, she suspects me of having an affair with someone, Kavar." Then she stopped. "I think she thought it was Malak, judging by the glare she gave him." She narrowed her eyes in irritation at him and he chuckled.

He stretched and placed his hands behind his head while surveying her expression. "Always the calm one, you were." Kavar took one of her hands and rubbed it softly. "You were never afraid of letting them find out." He placed a finger on her lips to stop her from speaking. "Relax, Kash. Whatever will be, will be."

Kas'shen took in the naked form before her and smirked. Reaching out a slender finger, she traced the scar he had on his chest and leaned forward to plant a kiss on it. "What ever will be, will be, huh?" She murmured against his skin with a small laugh and nipped him.

Kavar squirmed and joked, "Yes, and you can stop being jumpy."

"Hey, _you're_ the one who's jumpy. Who rented this apartment on the other side of sector 089? Which very far away from the Temple, I might add." Kas'shen retorted.

Kavar chuckled again and tapped her head. His young lover sighed in exasperation and crossed her arms, which resulted in the duvet falling off and exposing her.

Kas'shen blushed and hastily tried to cover herself when Kavar teased her by bumping his eyebrows twice at her body. He laughed at her reaction and pulled her close to him. She let herself bask in his warmth and she snuggled up closer to him, inhaling his scent.

The master stroked her hair and murmured softly into her ear, "Trust me, Kash. Everything will be fine."

_I can only hope, my love._ The woman thought as her hand began its dangerous journey down some uncharted territory.

* * *

_"The Mandalorians have decimated countless planets for the past three months in the Mid-Rim, and the Senate is beginning to worry for the Republic's safety. Planets that are destroyed include-"_ Kas'shen perked up when she heard Revan's home planet's name. She spun around immediately to see Revan sitting dazed in front of the holoprojector with Malak's arms around her shoulders.

The blonde knight had never seen Revan in such a state. Cariaga, Barielle, Nisotsa, Talvon, and Xaset watched and waited for Revan's reaction to the news.

Kas'shen moved forward and knelt in front of Revan. When she saw Revan's eyes shifted from the floor to hers, she took the black-haired woman's hand and held them tightly. Malak's face was full of concern and anxiety. The blonde reached out to their bond, only to meet a mental barrier slamming down on her.

Revan's voice was hoarse when she finally spoke after few minutes. "I'm fine."

Malak pursed his lips at her in disbelieve. Kas'shen stroked the woman's hands to comfort her, yet Revan remained rigid on the couch.

_The Republic Fleet has sent out their armada to stop this growing threat, but it seems that instead of preserving the peace, the Mandalorians are driving the Republic's forces into defeat in many battles." A reporter reported the news with a grave expression on his Twi'leki face. "So far, the Jedi has yet to extend their help in this war."_

Revan stood up with a grim look on her face and announced to all her Jedi friends who were in the same room as her. "That's it. We're going to war."

Kas'shen felt the suppressed rage emitting from Revan and called out to her when her friend stormed to the door. "Where are you going?"

"To the Council. They have to listen to me." With that, Revan spun around and left the room with Malak following behind her.

The other five glanced at each other and then all focused on Kas'shen.

"I hope she doesn't get herself into trouble." Talvon spoke.

"She won't." Nisotsa replied. The six friends stayed in the room for an hour without doing anything. They didn't speak nor did they move from their spots. Kas'shen remained kneeling on the floor.

Then she felt a very familiar presence approaching the room they were in. Kavar stepped into the room and searched for her. When his eyes fell on his apprentice, he seemed to relax a little.

"Master Kavar!" Even with the tense atmosphere in the room, Nisotsa and Barielle didn't fail to brighten up at the sight of their favourite idol. The Jedi Master nodded at the two expressionlessly and gestured at Kas'shen for her to follow him.

She did as she was told and got up from the floor. Kas'shen followed him all the way to his room without speaking.

In his room, Kavar sat on his desk and tapered his fingers together as he studied her. The apprentice shifted uneasily under his intense scrutiny and had to ask, "What is it?"

"I saw Revan storming off to the Council. I know what's she's going to do."

"So?" Her simple reply got a low growl out of him.

Kavar moved away from the desk and held her by the shoulders. "You're going with her?"

His question hit her like a rock. When Revan had said that they were going with her, the thought of joining her didn't even appear. Now that he had asked, Kas'shen suddenly became uncertain.

"I… I don't know." She stared wide-eyed at him. "I hadn't even thought about it until you asked."

"Don't go, Kash." Kavar pleaded with her. She saw the anxiety in his eyes, and the fear too.

She smiled at him, and made up her mind. "Since you've already asked me, _Master_, I won't."

Kavar heaved a sigh of relief and hugged her tightly to him. "Don't go, I need you here with me…"

Kas'shen hugged him back, determined not to break her promise. Friends were friends, but her love for him was stronger.

But she didn't know and didn't see, that her destiny was already laid before her.

The war was going to change everything, and everyone.


	5. Chapter 5

Final Chapter. Here's a big thank you to all who had read this and followed it. :P I apologize for the long wait. 

Two more stories to complete!

* * *

_"The Republic continues to face defeat in the Mandalorian War, and still no news from the Jedi Council. Senate members-"_

Kas'shen turned off the holonet and spun around on her bed to look at the chronometer placed on her bedside table. She had been waiting for him for the past three hours, and yet he still hadn't come out of the Council chamber.

She had promised to stay back with him; to be safe with him in the Jedi Temple. The young Knight convinced herself that it was the right thing to do, and yet deep inside, she felt guilty whenever she saw the news.

When Revan started to go to the Council every day for the past month, Kavar had been busy entertaining the holonews reporters. His status as a famed war hero had caused the two lovers to see less of each other, and she didn't like it a bit. The Council didn't help much either. The uproar caused by her furious friend had almost split the Order in half, and she was certain that that was going to happen very soon.

Many of the Jedi agreed with Revan, and others with the Council. Secretly inside, Kas'shen approved with Revan, thinking that it was right to go to war, but she said nothing. She couldn't understand why the Council refused to help, when they were the ones to preach that the Jedi are the guardians of the Republic.

The situation grew more frustrating for her when she started to have arguments with Kavar. He had become somewhat tense, and was always checking on her. She knew she should feel happy that he was paying attention to her, but she couldn't understand why he was so afraid of her leaving him. She felt angry at not being trusted.

Atris had spoken to her the night before and her words rang clear in her head.

_Times of war change people. Even the most timid of all will stand up to fight something that they do not feel comfortable with.  
_  
A sudden buzz of her doorbell brought her out of her reverie, and she commanded the door to open. Malak stepped in, and Revan was nowhere to be seen.

"Kassie."

"Mal, what is it?"

Malak had his arms behind his back, and he stood rigidly beside the bed. He hesitated for a moment before he finally spoke.

"I am not as good with words as Revan is, but…" The tall young man knelt down on one knee to be level with her. "Since she told me to speak to you…I'll try my best, then."

Kas'shen watched him in curiosity and tilted her head to a side.

"You know how Revan is acting lately, with the war and all. I know you agree with her views too."

"What are you trying to say, Mal?"

Malak studied her expression and bobbed his head up and down a little. "We are planning to leave the Order to join in the war effort."

"But that means defying the Order!" Kas'shen exclaimed.

"Yes, but can you stay here and watch these people die with the notion that we, Jedi, are supposed to be their protectors? The Mandalorians have gone too far with this, and it is time to stop them." Malak then exhaled heavily. "I know you are a very reasonable person, Kassie, you understand what has to be done. You are one who believes in justice. You know that the Council is making a very big mistake in not helping the Republic."

Malak's words were spot on. The urge to go to war grew stronger as her friend continued with his talking. But then, the thought of Kavar made her throw away the thought.

"We are leaving, whether the Council agrees or not." He held out a hand and took one of hers. "Will you join us?"

Kas'shen stumbled for the words. "I…I can't, Mal."

The expression on his hopeful face changed into something darker but it went as quickly as it came. Kas'shen clutched her head in her hands and repeated, "I can't, Mal. It's…it's-"

"It's alright, Kassie. I won't force you." He got up and looked down at her. "Try not to tell anyone, though."

He moved towards the door and turned. "Think about it, Kassie. Listen to your heart." With that, he left.

Kas'shen watched him leave, and she felt the guilt build up in her.

* * *

"She refused our offer, Rev." Revan opened her eyes when she heard his voice. To his surprise, she chuckled. 

Revan turned her chair around and smirked at him. "I knew she'd do that." She got up and sauntered over to him. "But at least she's thinking now."

"What do you mean?"

The young woman wrapped her arms around his waist and looked up at him. Her smile never left her face, and Malak saw the glint of wickedness in her eyes. When she spoke, her voice was husky. "Think about this. Kash is one of the most law-abiding Jedi we know, and yet even with her goody-goody exterior, deep inside she's just another human who's willing to break the law, especially when it comes to helping others. A part of her is telling her that staying back is wrong.

She might come, considering her way of thinking. I know she feels extremely guilty when she watches the news and there are times she curses herself for not helping. And since there are people who think the way she does and are going to take action on it, she'll never want to be left behind."

Malak glanced down at her and smirked too. "Sometimes I wonder how you know all these things, Revan." His arms snaked around her small waist.

"Sometimes, the manipulator's exploitation doesn't work as well as they want, and their attempts can be discovered by others…As for her case, she's smart, but can be lax at certain times."

"So, you went into her head."

Revan chuckled again. "One has to be close enough to her and strong enough in the Force to see what she was thinking. Plus, I had to be very careful." Revan grinned. "She's suffering. The bonds she creates with others are taking their toll now."

Malak smirked again and leaned forward. "You are a devious little minx, Rev."

"And you love me for it." Revan grinned and tilted her head up to accept his kiss.

* * *

"Kash?" She stirred when she felt someone plant a soft kiss on her cheek. Kavar sat on the edge of the bed and hovered over her with both his arms on either side of her. 

Kas'shen had gotten even uneasy after the talk with Malak and she went to the apartment to clear her mind. Scenes of destroyed worlds, ravaged cities and mutilated bodies kept haunting her, and the guilt hadn't stop building up ever since.

She mumbled incoherently at his kiss and lifted an arm as an indication for him to go away. An amused chuckle sounded and she felt the bed shift.

Kavar removed his outer robes and got under the duvet with her. Kas'shen snuggled up close to him and took in a deep breath. As she did this, she remembered how much she had missed him for the past week.

"You smell." Her voice was muffled by his tunic and despite her complains, she hugged him tightly to her.

Kavar laughed softly and kissed her forehead. "I've been busy lately. Sorry."

"Hmm…for a moment there I actually thought you had an affair with the Council." Kas'shen joked. She opened her eyes, and watched him smile at that.

Kas'shen felt his hand rubbing her back in a circular motion and she felt notably calm at his touch. The young Jedi shifted as she wrapped her left leg around his hips. With a swift movement, Kavar turned her over and positioned himself over her. His apprentice smirked at that while she draped her arms on his neck.

"I missed you…" Kavar muttered as he planted another kiss on her forehead and slowly moved down to her mouth. Kas'shen's breathing increased as she turned her head to expose her throat to him when he moved lower.

She slid her hands under his tunic to feel the taut muscles on his back; Kas'shen almost chuckled when she felt his shoulder tense at her touch. Kavar growled when she ran her fingers lightly over his skin and he nipped her lightly on the hollow of her throat.

Kas'shen inhaled sharply at the bite while he impatiently started to push her shirt off her shoulder.

She woke fully at the tingling sensations left by his soft bites, and the young Jedi closed her eyes to relish in the feeling.

_"Think about it, Kassie. Listen to your heart."_

Her eyes snapped opened and she stiffened at the memory. Malak's voice kept droning on and on like a mantra and she pulled her arms back from Kavar's neck to hold her head. Throngs of emotions swarmed her as she suddenly felt one of her bonds break.

Kavar felt the sudden change and looked at her. Kas'shen held back a sob and pushed him off her, and ran into the 'fresher.

"Kash?"

Her lover got off the bed and followed her. Kas'shen started to breathe in difficulty and she grabbed the corners of the sink to stop herself from crumbling into a messy heap. Even when the emotions came and went as quickly as they came, the effects lingered on like the imprints of the love-bites on her shoulder.

Malak's words kept droning in her head, and the guilt she felt from before began to build up again. She ignored Kavar, who walked up to her and held her firmly to his chest. She ignored everything that was going on around her.

A shaky hand went to the collar of the shirt and pulled it over her shoulder. Kas'shen looked up to the mirror only to see her very own distressed expression. She averted her eyes to the man behind her and saw him looking at her worriedly.

The woman leaned back into his embrace as he slid his arms around her waist. Kas'shen watched him for a few moments before she spoke.

"Do you think it's right for us to stay here?"

"I do not think anyone will miss us at the Temple." Kavar stroked her hair.

Kas'shen turned around to wrap her arms around him and she placed her head on his chest. "I meant staying back on Coruscant and not going to war." She listened to his steady heartbeat and sighed. "The Mandalorians are near the Core Worlds. Someone I know must've died just now."

She lifted her head to gaze into his eyes painfully. "I felt the pain, and the bond being broken. Usually I wouldn't…it's frequent now…and just now…when we were-"

Kavar shushed her by kissing her softly on the lips. "It's alright, Kash. We have to trust the Council's decision."

"But not every decision made by the Council is right, Kavar," she protested. "They'll still make mistakes!"

"I trust in their wisdom, and you should too." His voice was firm, and his jaws were set in a stubborn line. Kas'shen frowned at him and pushed him slightly away.

"But to let people die? Is that wisdom to leave them alone, Kavar?" She grasped the front of his tunic. "Is it wisdom to let millions die when we are the ones sworn to protect them?"

Kavar returned the frown. "The Council mentioned about a greater threat to the galaxy hidden in the shadows. Joining this war will only serve to worsen the situation."

Kas'shen scoffed at that. "Do you realize that when it comes to this kind of topic, you're always siding with the Council. Why can't you see that they can make mistakes too?" She stormed out of the refresher. "Why can't you see these people need our help?"

"Kash, this is going nowhere. Stop it."

"No, Kavar. I want to understand why we can't go and help. Why we have to sit here waiting." She pulled on her trousers with a little too much force. The experience from the broken bond had affected her greatly and Kavar was getting the brunt of it.

Then she staggered.

Kavar rushed towards her in time to stop her from falling. When he saw her face, he was shocked.

Streams of tears poured from her closed eyes and her face held a painful expression. "Kash? Are you alright?"

Kas'shen shook her head vigorously and grasped her head in her hands as she knelt on the floor. A stunned Kavar followed her to her knees and had a firm grip on her shoulders. He gripped her harder when he felt a tremor from her.

"Kash!"

"Again…someone died again…the Mandalorians…they're near…" she managed between gasps. "Can't…shut…them out!"

Her lover wrapped his arms around her tightly and she tried her hardest not to sob. The waves of agony and horror kept sweeping through her until she forcefully shut off all the bonds she had with others.

The two remained on their spots for a very long time until Kas'shen spoke again.

"I've made up my mind, Kavar." Her master stiffened at that. She ignored him and muttered, "I've been feeling these people die for some time now. I can't go on like this."

She stood up and took her outer-robe from a chair. The young woman looked at her lover with tear-filled eyes and said, "I'm going to war, Kavar. I can't keep that promise I made to you."

"No…"

"I have to."

"No!" Kavar grabbed her arm. "You're not going to war. You promised me."

Kas'shen pushed his hand away gently and spoke firmly. "I am, Kavar. And I won't ask you to come with me."

"The Council will not agree with this." He almost shouted at her.

"The Council is not everything like you think, Kavar." Despite the anger boiling up in her, she managed to keep her tone soft. "I don't agree with them." She spun around and headed for the door.

But Kavar grabbed her arm again and she surprised him with a slap across the face.

"Don't stop me!" Her voice was shaking as she lowered her hand to her side. "You don't know what I'm going through with this war waging on. I feel their pain, Kavar! I feel the pain! I can't sit by and watch any longer. I don't want to feel these pains anymore! Do you even understand how it is for me to go through with this?" She swallowed a nasty growl and continued, "Can't you see what the Council is doing?"

"They are doing what is be-"

"What is best? You're so blind…" She scowled at him. "Everything the Council says is right and what others say is wrong. Am I always wrong then?" A hand rose to stop him from speaking. "I thought that you, as a war veteran would understand." She shook her head incredulously at him. "Go back to your Council if you can't see what's going on in this war. Get married to it."

Kavar tugged at her again when she turned to walk out of the room. "I don't want to do this, Kash, but-" He hesitated for a moment. "You leave me no choice."

Kas'shen glared at him angrily.

"As a member of the Council, I forbid you to go to the war." The woman's eyes widened at that. "And if you disobey the orders of the Council, you will face the consequences."

Her mouth hung open slightly at that, and then she released a laugh. "So you're a member of the Council now." Then she chuckled in disbelief. "And you used your authority as a Council member to order me around."

She released a laugh again and shook his arm off. Without wanting to hear another word from him, she walked towards the door and stopped. "You're a hopeless case when it comes to the Council. I see it now." She turned away from him. "All you wanted was power. Whatever consequences I must face_ if_ I come back, I will face it then, _Master_ Kavar." With that, she left.

Kavar was left standing there alone, and distressed.

* * *

"You sure you want to do this?" Revan patted her on the shoulder and Kas'shen turned to smile lightly at her. 

"Yeah."

Malak stood next to Revan and stooped a little to mumbled something into her ear. Kas'shen ignored the two and surveyed the docking platform she was on. Nisotsa, Barielle, Xaset, Talvon, Cariaga and almost a dozen Jedi including the three were waiting for their transport towards Onderon.

She was shaking a little while she waited. Her argument with Kavar had happened the night before and she feared he would come and stop her again.

And yet part of her feared that he wouldn't.

Her disappointment with his blind devotion to the Council saddened her greatly, yet part of her felt proud for his achievement. _I suppose he deserves it. He does…_

A tap on her shoulder pulled her out of her thoughts and she looked up to see Malak standing beside her with a mild worried look on his face. "They're here. We have to go quickly."

She nodded and lingered on her spot a little while longer as she observed the entrance to the platform with eagerness. But he didn't come as she hoped. Another call from Malak made her sigh and follow him onto the shuttle.

Kas'shen chose the seat next to a window which was facing the entrance. Revan sat next to her and draped an arm over her shoulder. The meaningful smile the older woman gave her made her wonder if she knew, but she said nothing about it. Her attention was paid towards the entrance.

She felt the shuttle shudder and she closed her eyes. A sudden familiar presence in the Force cause her to snap them open and look out of the window, only to see Kavar running on to the platform. But he was too late.

The sorrowful look on his face was the last she saw from him that day, and a part of her regretted not reconciling with him before setting off for war. Yet another part of her knew it was the best that she didn't see him after the argument, because she feared she would stay back.

She watched him come to a halt at the edge of the platform as her shuttle hovered in the air and prepared to enter space. His arms hung limply beside him as he watched her leave with a forlorn expression, and she shut him out of her view. Revan's arms went around her comfortingly and a single tear fell from the corner of her eye.

Kas'shen wouldn't see him again for a very long time.

And things would have changed…

For the worst.

* * *

The End.

* * *


End file.
